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" wonderlandesque "
For my fakeNaNo! It's a semi-original story, but as everyone knows I'm supergay for Alice in Wonderland, so I'll be ... "borrowing" things from it. Mind you, I use "borrow" very loosely, but let's not get too technical.
Even now, Alice did her very best to be polite. She kept her legs together, feet tucked under the chair, hands in her lap, and seemed very attentive to the conversation, as off-track as it liked getting. But she had every reason to listen to the men sitting in front of her, as uncomfortable as she was; they were, as far as she knew, native, and must know more than she could ever know, and they seemed gentlemany enough. Granted, her standards weren't the best, but they had at least offered her tea and cakes and a very high chair so that she might be on eye level with them, so she thought that was fair enough.
Presently, the oldest man had finished explaining something to her; something about laws that had degenerated into speak of ravens, but neither of which answered what she asked, and he looked rather pleased with himself for his way of articulation, and looked at her, expecting for some sort of response. Gazing so blatantly at a guest (which Alice assumed she was) was, if anything, a little awkward if not impolite. Especially since he was much older than Alice, and older than the other man by maybe five years, and wore a hat a few sizes too big for him that, Alice had to admit, made her a little more wary of him in the dark atmosphere of the room; he had seen it fit to only light a few lamps, all with their heads aimed at the small table where they sat, and making them particularly pale in the light. He had explained that it was more practical, more conservative and Alice couldn't think of how to argue that.
"Well, yes," she shifted a little, not quite sure how to answer him, being stared so intently at, and picked up her fork to gather up another piece of her cake slice. It was a particularly vibrant red; cranberry, maybe, but it tasted nothing like it. She gave herself the excuse of eating before answering, not wanting to offend, "but I doubt Dinah has broken any laws."
"I should hope not," he said, pouring himself a new cup and pushing aside his old one, which even further cluttered the too-small table. Alice waited, seeing if he was going to say anything more, but he didn't.
A little unsure, she looked to the man who sat next to him; he had been particularly silent, and had even very little. While the older man seemed to pretend he didn't exist, the younger one didn't seem to know that a conversation was being held right by him. "And I doubt Dinah is a raven."
To this, the older man laughed -- "And weren't you the one who said she was a cat?" To which Alice felt a little embarrassed, and a little injured at being laughed at.
"But, Sir--" she began again, somewhat crossly, and found herself interrupted before she could get much out.
"Forgive me, forgive me! Did I forget to introduce myself?" He grinned widely, as if it were a great pleasure for him to say, "you can call me plenty of things, but I'd prefer the Hatter, no 'misters' about it. And he," the man, now the Hatter, acknowledging the younger man beside him for the first time in front of Alice, "is Dum. A little dull, but never Dull, if you know what I mean."
Which Alice did not, but wondered if she were supposed to as she looked a little more closely at Dum, who seemed a rather uncomfortable at suddenly being the center of attention. Much like his name, he didn't look too bright, and she felt there was something peculiar about his features, though as much as she looked she couldn't find anything out of the ordinary. The Hatter, now apparently fond of various interruptions, cleared his throat. "I believe you were here on business, Alice?" Which put her right back in her cross mood.
"As I was saying," she said, a rather good recovery if she did say so herself, "I'm looking for where Dinah might have gone, and I'm certain she's come here. Usually she comes home, but she's taken something of mine that I need." She felt it was a little blunt, but one had to be when dealing with someone as queer as this.
The Hatter leaned, placing an elbow on the table and looking very thoughtful. "You can't find things in Wonderland if you're looking for them." He then leaned back into his chair, which made Alice wonder what the point of leaning forward was, "it's just not how it is."
"I don't see much point in that," Alice said a little skeptically, finally indulging in a little rudeness herself and eating another piece of cake, "if I were to stop looking for her so I could find her, then I would still really be looking for her, wouldn't I?" Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Dum staring very strangely at her as she ate, which made her even more uncomfortable, but chose to ignore it, and, instead, eyed the edges of the table, which had crumb-filled plates and teacups upon teacups nearly teetering over the edge to an invisible floor.
"Then I suppose you'll never find her," he said with a certain finality Alice wasn't fond of, and made her lose grip on her fork. The slice came tumbling out of her hands and onto her apron, covering it with peach crumbs and the bright red filling, which stood out even more on white.
"Oh!" She cried, and searched the table with her eyes to find a napkin, but to her dismay she could find none -- there simply wasn't any room for them. The best she could do was put the bits of the slice back onto her plate and wipe her hands clean on her apron, as it was already dirty beyond saving anyway.
"You've got to be more careful, you know," the Hatter remarked, not even looking up at her, having apparently deemed their conversation finished with, and no longer needed to associate with her. Suddenly, Alice felt a little bit of pity for Dum, as strange as he was.
But as if to undermine Alice's new-found sympathy, Dum suddenly spoke out, gaze transfixed on her hands, "you look very beautiful, Alice."
The remark startled her, and made her sit up much straighter in her seat, as if to push her chair backward with the movement. Though he had said it very kindly, she couldn't bring herself to consider it a compliment in the slightest, and only worsened her mood. She wiped her hands on her apron again, not wanting to dignify either of their statements with an argument or a reply.
"Well, neither of you've hardly been any help at all," she finally snapped, feeling far too much like she had been laughed at the whole time, "I might as well just ask the Cheshire Cat if you'd like to continue like that." Which was a comment that confused even her -- she wasn't sure where she had gotten that idea, or what the Cheshire Cat even was. It had popped into her head, and it seemed like a good come back at the time.
But it didn't seem to have quite the desired effect -- not exactly. Dum now didn't look at her at all, retreating even further back into his seat than he had before he had been introduced by name. Though it had, at least, gotten the Hatter's attention, and now he seemed to be looking over her, as if she had taken something from him.
"You won't be able to do that," he said finally, a look of small triumph in his eyes; "cats have been banned from Wonderland."
"I'd like to see about that." She felt much more defiant now, no longer believing they deserved more courtesy than she was already displaying.
The Hatter took up another cup of tea with a similar red color to her cake, "You'd have to take it up with Wonderland."
"It often consults with the Queen," said Dum unexpectedly, but still not looking at either of them, and the Hatter seemed to be ignoring him again.
"Really." Alice said, somewhat skeptically, but prodding more for answers than anything. She felt this was important, since it had caused such an obvious reaction, and felt as if she had to pursue it if she wanted to make this meeting worthwhile at all.
"Dum isn't much in the business of lying, you see," the Hatter said, acknowledging the other in words alone, "you won't find a paw or a whisker, much less a cat or the Cat." Which begged the question of whether Dinah could be there, but she didn't bother asking.
Looking more annoyed than she was to make a point, Alice turned, placing her hands on the sides of her seat, readying herself to get off. "Then I suppose I'll have to arrange a meeting with the Queen." Though she was hardly sure how she was to manage that.
Suddenly, Dum grabbed her arm, keeping her from getting off; he was stronger than he looked, being short (though taller than Alice), and unbalanced in proportion. His expression was nothing short of perplexed, and his grip was so tough it was beginning to hurt. "But Alice," he said, almost pleading, "we're already dead."
And like the other things Dum had said, Alice didn't at all know what to say -- and she didn't have time to think, either, as the Hatter reached over himself and pushed her backwards with her chair, apparently startling Dum enough so that he let go.
Her first reaction was not to close her eyes, but to look up; she could only see the Hatter looking very much annoyed in a strange way, as if the expression were poorly carved onto his face, and he shoved everything on the table after her with a single swift motion.
"Things such as her need to see things before they believe it, I suppose." His voice sounded unrepentant, but distant.
Oddly enough, she didn't hit the floor, though she was sure she was falling, falling.
With sticky hands and a red apron, cakes and tea and silverware chasing after her, Alice fell.
Even now, Alice did her very best to be polite. She kept her legs together, feet tucked under the chair, hands in her lap, and seemed very attentive to the conversation, as off-track as it liked getting. But she had every reason to listen to the men sitting in front of her, as uncomfortable as she was; they were, as far as she knew, native, and must know more than she could ever know, and they seemed gentlemany enough. Granted, her standards weren't the best, but they had at least offered her tea and cakes and a very high chair so that she might be on eye level with them, so she thought that was fair enough.
Presently, the oldest man had finished explaining something to her; something about laws that had degenerated into speak of ravens, but neither of which answered what she asked, and he looked rather pleased with himself for his way of articulation, and looked at her, expecting for some sort of response. Gazing so blatantly at a guest (which Alice assumed she was) was, if anything, a little awkward if not impolite. Especially since he was much older than Alice, and older than the other man by maybe five years, and wore a hat a few sizes too big for him that, Alice had to admit, made her a little more wary of him in the dark atmosphere of the room; he had seen it fit to only light a few lamps, all with their heads aimed at the small table where they sat, and making them particularly pale in the light. He had explained that it was more practical, more conservative and Alice couldn't think of how to argue that.
"Well, yes," she shifted a little, not quite sure how to answer him, being stared so intently at, and picked up her fork to gather up another piece of her cake slice. It was a particularly vibrant red; cranberry, maybe, but it tasted nothing like it. She gave herself the excuse of eating before answering, not wanting to offend, "but I doubt Dinah has broken any laws."
"I should hope not," he said, pouring himself a new cup and pushing aside his old one, which even further cluttered the too-small table. Alice waited, seeing if he was going to say anything more, but he didn't.
A little unsure, she looked to the man who sat next to him; he had been particularly silent, and had even very little. While the older man seemed to pretend he didn't exist, the younger one didn't seem to know that a conversation was being held right by him. "And I doubt Dinah is a raven."
To this, the older man laughed -- "And weren't you the one who said she was a cat?" To which Alice felt a little embarrassed, and a little injured at being laughed at.
"But, Sir--" she began again, somewhat crossly, and found herself interrupted before she could get much out.
"Forgive me, forgive me! Did I forget to introduce myself?" He grinned widely, as if it were a great pleasure for him to say, "you can call me plenty of things, but I'd prefer the Hatter, no 'misters' about it. And he," the man, now the Hatter, acknowledging the younger man beside him for the first time in front of Alice, "is Dum. A little dull, but never Dull, if you know what I mean."
Which Alice did not, but wondered if she were supposed to as she looked a little more closely at Dum, who seemed a rather uncomfortable at suddenly being the center of attention. Much like his name, he didn't look too bright, and she felt there was something peculiar about his features, though as much as she looked she couldn't find anything out of the ordinary. The Hatter, now apparently fond of various interruptions, cleared his throat. "I believe you were here on business, Alice?" Which put her right back in her cross mood.
"As I was saying," she said, a rather good recovery if she did say so herself, "I'm looking for where Dinah might have gone, and I'm certain she's come here. Usually she comes home, but she's taken something of mine that I need." She felt it was a little blunt, but one had to be when dealing with someone as queer as this.
The Hatter leaned, placing an elbow on the table and looking very thoughtful. "You can't find things in Wonderland if you're looking for them." He then leaned back into his chair, which made Alice wonder what the point of leaning forward was, "it's just not how it is."
"I don't see much point in that," Alice said a little skeptically, finally indulging in a little rudeness herself and eating another piece of cake, "if I were to stop looking for her so I could find her, then I would still really be looking for her, wouldn't I?" Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Dum staring very strangely at her as she ate, which made her even more uncomfortable, but chose to ignore it, and, instead, eyed the edges of the table, which had crumb-filled plates and teacups upon teacups nearly teetering over the edge to an invisible floor.
"Then I suppose you'll never find her," he said with a certain finality Alice wasn't fond of, and made her lose grip on her fork. The slice came tumbling out of her hands and onto her apron, covering it with peach crumbs and the bright red filling, which stood out even more on white.
"Oh!" She cried, and searched the table with her eyes to find a napkin, but to her dismay she could find none -- there simply wasn't any room for them. The best she could do was put the bits of the slice back onto her plate and wipe her hands clean on her apron, as it was already dirty beyond saving anyway.
"You've got to be more careful, you know," the Hatter remarked, not even looking up at her, having apparently deemed their conversation finished with, and no longer needed to associate with her. Suddenly, Alice felt a little bit of pity for Dum, as strange as he was.
But as if to undermine Alice's new-found sympathy, Dum suddenly spoke out, gaze transfixed on her hands, "you look very beautiful, Alice."
The remark startled her, and made her sit up much straighter in her seat, as if to push her chair backward with the movement. Though he had said it very kindly, she couldn't bring herself to consider it a compliment in the slightest, and only worsened her mood. She wiped her hands on her apron again, not wanting to dignify either of their statements with an argument or a reply.
"Well, neither of you've hardly been any help at all," she finally snapped, feeling far too much like she had been laughed at the whole time, "I might as well just ask the Cheshire Cat if you'd like to continue like that." Which was a comment that confused even her -- she wasn't sure where she had gotten that idea, or what the Cheshire Cat even was. It had popped into her head, and it seemed like a good come back at the time.
But it didn't seem to have quite the desired effect -- not exactly. Dum now didn't look at her at all, retreating even further back into his seat than he had before he had been introduced by name. Though it had, at least, gotten the Hatter's attention, and now he seemed to be looking over her, as if she had taken something from him.
"You won't be able to do that," he said finally, a look of small triumph in his eyes; "cats have been banned from Wonderland."
"I'd like to see about that." She felt much more defiant now, no longer believing they deserved more courtesy than she was already displaying.
The Hatter took up another cup of tea with a similar red color to her cake, "You'd have to take it up with Wonderland."
"It often consults with the Queen," said Dum unexpectedly, but still not looking at either of them, and the Hatter seemed to be ignoring him again.
"Really." Alice said, somewhat skeptically, but prodding more for answers than anything. She felt this was important, since it had caused such an obvious reaction, and felt as if she had to pursue it if she wanted to make this meeting worthwhile at all.
"Dum isn't much in the business of lying, you see," the Hatter said, acknowledging the other in words alone, "you won't find a paw or a whisker, much less a cat or the Cat." Which begged the question of whether Dinah could be there, but she didn't bother asking.
Looking more annoyed than she was to make a point, Alice turned, placing her hands on the sides of her seat, readying herself to get off. "Then I suppose I'll have to arrange a meeting with the Queen." Though she was hardly sure how she was to manage that.
Suddenly, Dum grabbed her arm, keeping her from getting off; he was stronger than he looked, being short (though taller than Alice), and unbalanced in proportion. His expression was nothing short of perplexed, and his grip was so tough it was beginning to hurt. "But Alice," he said, almost pleading, "we're already dead."
And like the other things Dum had said, Alice didn't at all know what to say -- and she didn't have time to think, either, as the Hatter reached over himself and pushed her backwards with her chair, apparently startling Dum enough so that he let go.
Her first reaction was not to close her eyes, but to look up; she could only see the Hatter looking very much annoyed in a strange way, as if the expression were poorly carved onto his face, and he shoved everything on the table after her with a single swift motion.
"Things such as her need to see things before they believe it, I suppose." His voice sounded unrepentant, but distant.
Oddly enough, she didn't hit the floor, though she was sure she was falling, falling.
With sticky hands and a red apron, cakes and tea and silverware chasing after her, Alice fell.